For many years, I have had the sense of being a bit different, maybe even special.
Not just the uncanny ability to find the one misspelled word in any printed piece, but something more. A trip to the local gargantuan-goods store helped me put my finger on it. Yes, the simple purchase of a garden hose helped me to see what it is that sets me apart.
Actually, I began to get suspicious earlier in the year with the purchase of yet another outdoor utensil, a power snow shovel. That was in March, reportedly Colorado's snowiest month, yet subsequent to the purchase of the shovel (at a bargain 75 percent off), it did not snow enough to even merit opening the box.
Similarly, the purchase of the garden hose to perk up my withering landscaping resulted in the first measurable rain in our neighborhood in at least a month.
Conversely, all I have to do is carry an umbrella to ensure no one in my party will get wet. Leave it at home and it will pour buckets.
It's truly a special power. Now, all I have to do is figure out how to harness this for the greater good. I am hesitant, for example, to work in the campaign of my preferred candidates for fear it will jinx them.
I'm thinking perhaps I'll start with my kids. If I do not even buy broccoli, will they suddenly decide they must have it? Or maybe it won't work in the reverse. I have to do something that turns out to be wasteful or useless. Well, that describes most of what I do with my kids, in their view at least.
Maybe I could join the armed forces just so the war will end? Unfortunately, I don't think there's much call for out-of-shape, middle-aged women in today's Army.
For now, I'll stick to ferreting out misplaced apostrophes and improper uses of "which". Heaven knows, everyone finds that pretty useless.